Chapter 11

I woke up to the parakeet freaking out in its cage. 'Damn bird, I should've skinned you years ago.', I thought as I got up from the couch. My hair was all messy and tangled and I'd lost my hair tie somewhere. I nudged the cage of the bird a little, silencing it for a second. I nudged it again, then the third time, until it finally stopped. I yawned and turned in order to go to the kitchen to get something to eat.

I could see the sun through the curtains as I stepped into the kitchen.The window there was the only one I had forgot to close last night. I couldn't look outside because my eyes hurt from the bright light.  I picked up another apple and finally got a good look around. I didn't notice how messy it was before now. I saw clothes all over the floor, cabinets and drawers more or less open and papers and trash everywhere. I also noticed a note on the table.

Joce,

Something sudden came up and I had to leave the country for a few weeks. I left some money in one of your drawers. Please feed Pete while I'm away.

XXXX-Mike

'Great. Thanks a ton'. I got pretty mad at him for not saying a word about it. I threw things around for a while until I decided to check how much money he had left for me.  First drawer - empty. Second - empty. After searching through all my drawers but ending up empty-handed, I headed for the alcohol cabinet. As I took out my favorite bottle of Gin, I noticed something behind it - a note. I put the bottle on the counter near by and opened the note.

Sister, sorry about lying and not telling you. It's just that there's something after me. Something big. I think it'll take a bit longer than a few weeks until it's safe for me to get home. Actually, I think you should hide somewhere too. I bet whatever's after me will be guarding our home in case I'd stupidly wander there. Please, find someplace safe and take care of yourself.

I'm praying for your safety,

xoxo Michael

P.S. Feed Pete. Seriously. And don't spend all of it on drinking.

I almost couldn't believe it. It seemed so unreal. But I knew it was Mike's handwriting. And he'd never call himself as 'mike', ever. I counted the money that came with the note. 100$...500$...1200$...3000$ in total. Three grands. I could buy a whole house with those and fill the basement with gin. I took a big swig of the drink next to me. After thinking about it for a moment I decided to pick everything I'd need, and Pete, and leave the house. I dressed up as a street rat and headed out.

 I thought about  buying a whole house for myself but gave that idea up - too risky. Things like that could get around like a wildfire. Someone as poor-looking as I was, buying a whole house, with cash no less, would be considered very suspicious. I ended up going to a bar close to our apartment and bought a new bottle of gin, ending up staying there until late evening.

Chapter 10

17th of St.Augustus

Entry 13

I woke up in the dirt next morning. I still felt like I'd been hit by a train. I knew I needed help. Fast. I was still bleeding a bit and I think a few bones were broken. I started walking towards home, slowly and painfully. After a while I couldn't take it anymore and fell on my stomach. Being conscious in this state felt horrible and there was nothing I could do about it.

I passed out again.

I awoke to a sharp pain on my side. It took a while to realize that I wasn't on the street anymore. I was in a small, old room, lying on a worn bed. As I tried to get up I noticed that I was tied down. I looked on my right and saw a poor girl cleaning my wounds. She didn't care whether I was awake or not, she was fully concentrated on healing me.
"Shut up", she said after I tried to ask where I was. Since there was nothing else I could do I relaxed the best I could and eventually fell asleep. It didn't hurt much anymore.
I woke up after a few hours, or at least it felt like it. My body ached when I sat up. When I stood up I realized that I had nothing but bandages on and almost fell on my knees. My legs felt weak. I got on my feet and forced myself to walk to the nearest door. Right before I opened it someone grabbed my wrist and pulled my arm back.
"You can't go there!", she hissed. She was the same girl as before. "Lord is there and he doesn't allow strangers in his house". She handed me a black, plain dress, similar to what she's wearing.
"Here, put this on. You need to get out of here". I tried to dress up the best I can but it isn't easy. My body was hurting all over and the dress felt really tight around my shoulders and arms. On the other hand, it felt very loose around my bust because of my nonexistent breasts.
After the dress was finally on she led me through the back door. I walked as fast as I could, constantly supporting myself against the walls.
"Here's the money you had in your pockets. I had to throw the clothes away, though, I hope you don't mind. I already took what I need to replace the bandages and other supplies I used on your wounds, I don't want to get caught stealing them. Now, go wherever you need to go before they find out about you". She dropped two pounds on my hand and pushed me through the backyard gate, locking it after me. I didn't understand what just happened. Who was she? Why did she help me? Who does she work for, and who are 'they'? And more importantly, why was there money in the pockets of my brother's suit? I started walking towards my brother's place, slowly but steadily, eventually reaching it after a few hours.
When I finally got there it was already dark. I opened the door with the key he always keeps under a potted plant nearby and realized that it was very dark inside. He should have been home already. I look around, finding nothing but the parakeet my brother holds dear. I fed him because he seemed hungry. I went to the kitchen, ate an apple and fell asleep on the couch.

Chapter 9

The clock ticks forward, slowly and steadily. I check the time - 6 p.m. The king hasn't shown up yet and I don't know why. I try to find someone to spend time with until he arrives. I find the older son, Bernard, from an empty table, staring into the distance with no visible target for his gaze. I sit in a chair on the other side of the table. He doesn't notice me. He looks sad, somehow, and I want to comfort him. But I wouldn't dare. I start wondering what the king looks like. Mother always says how handsome the beloved king Leopold is. I'm not sure if he's that handsome anymore since this is his 52nd birthday.
"Young lord Bernard! His Majesty requires you to arrive into his room in five minutes!", I hear from the other side of the room. Bernard flinches. He looks around, as if he had forgotten where he was. He looks surprised, almost shocked, when he notices me.
"Milady? How long have you been sitting there?", he asks a bit nervously. I check the time again. 6:09.
"Around five minutes".
"I'm so sorry I didn't notice you, I was just lost in thoughts...". He sounds more nervous, as if he didn't think I'd believe him.
"I know", I answer, "just, go ahead now. Your Father's waiting for you. I can stay here until you return".
He thanks me and almost runs away. I wonder how long it'll take until he returns. Ten minutes? An hour? I wish he had at least let me in the library. Out of the blue, his brother, Alexander, appears in front of me, almost like out of thin air. He waves his hand in front of my eyes.
"Hello? You there, lady?", he cries. I squint to him and he laughs a bit.
"You're amazing, you know that?", he says and wipes his left eye.
"Huh?".
"You caught everybody's eyes the moment you stepped in here and you still haven't noticed it? Damn, you're really something". I look at him, a bit confused, until I start looking around me. I see many eyes, looking towards me, like I was some kind of an exhibit of sort. I want to get away.
"C'mon, I want to show you something!", he almost shouts as he grabs my arm and starts walking so fast he's almost running. I try to get my arm free but with no luck. I almost fall twice  trying to keep up with him. I should probably be panicking or at least a little shocked for how he's pulling me away from everybody else, but I'm not. I'm somewhat calm and a bit excited, looking forward to what he's going to show me. His hand is big and warm.

He takes me to the kitchen, through the backdoor and into the big garden behind the palace. There he leads me to a big, branchy tree. It's so close to the palace wall one could climb it to get into the palace. Finally, he lets go of my hand and starts climbing.
"What are you doing?", I ask.
"You'll see! Just come up here!", he shouts from four yards high. I feel a bit nervous as I grab hold of one of the lower branches. I climb, slowly, trying not to step on my hem. In three feet I start feeling a bit sick.
"Are you sure about this? We could still go back down...".
"Don't worry about it!", he calls out from six yards.
I don't want to be left alone so I scale higher, finally reaching him. I hold on to the tree the best I can. Alexander tries to open a window, dangerously far away from the tree trunk. I almost beg him to stop the madness and go back down with me but decide not to stay anything because I have a feeling that it wouldn't change anything.
After a minute or so he finally gets the window open. He almost leaps through it, then reaches out his hand for me. I grab it and somehow manage to go through the window. As I check if there's any dirt or cuts in my dress or limbs I realize that one of my shoes is missing. There is no major damage anywhere so I take off my remaining shoe and start carrying it around.
I look around. We're standing in a small washroom that seemingly hasn't been used in years. Alexander asks me to stay quiet as he looks through the doorway. He says it's safe and tiptoes through the door. I follow him, even though I have no idea about what's happening. He leads me through a couple of hallways, dodging a couple of guards and servants. He opens one of the two huge doors at the end of the hallway, revealing a small room full of bookcases. I can't help but be amazed as we step inside.
"I  wanted to show you this while you're still here... I thought you'd like this", he whispers, looking a bit embarrassed. I can barely keep myself silent enough.
"This is the best thing that has happened to me today", I say as quietly as I can. Without realizing what I'm doing, I hug him briefly and go to the nearest bookshelf, almost running. I see books from Aristotle, Kant and many other famous philosophers. I pick a book that looks interesting, Kant's Logic, and start reading it.
After the first few pages Alexander shoves me forward.
"Hide!", he whispers, as he runs to the other side of the room and tries to hide behind a curtain. I look around me, and after I notice a small table near the wall I slip under it. I pull the hem of my dress closer and hold my breath.
I hear loud footsteps from behind the wall. They stop behind the doors. After a moment someone slams the doors open.
"Brother, I know you're in here!", I hear from the doors. Bernard. I feel the urge to show up but resist it.
"No I'm not!", comes from behind the curtain.
"Don't make me ask again".
"Go away!".
I see Bernard's boots as he stomps through the room. He pulls the curtain back. Alexander tries to run by but gets stopped.
"You shouldn't even be here. You should be drinking beer and wooing prostitutes, because that's what you always do". I can hear Bernard's getting angry.
"Maybe I felt like reading, dear brother. At least I know how to get a woman". For some reason I feel like he forgot I am still here.
"Ha! Don't make me laugh. Even Emma left you".
Alexander looks really angry. All of a sudden, he punches his brother in the face.
"Don't ever - EVER - mention that name again!". Bernard wipes blood off his face with a calm look on his face.
"Relying on violence again, I see. No wonder father sent you away". He gets another punch, this time it's an uppercut. He falls on his back. Alexander looks in his eyes, then mine, looking like he's about to break. He kicks his brother's side once and flees.
I come from under the table. Bernard looks shocked when he notices me.
"How... did you get here?", he asks.
"Your brother brought me here. I'll help you to the doctor. Can you stand?". He tries to get up but as soon as he gets on his knees it looks like it really hurts. I try to help him up but after realizing I'm too weak I go and look for someone stronger to help him. I find a couple of guards who decide to come to the aid after realizing that I couldn't possibly be around here by myself.
After we get to the doctor's room they quickly put him on the bed. He's conscious, at least, and it looks like he's in a lot of pain. The doctor asks everyone to let them be as he goes through his cabinets. I don't want to leave but I am forced to give in when the guards push me outside and close the door. I sit on the floor, hug my knees and start weeping. I could've stopped them. I should've stopped them. But I just sat there like an idiot. And I still can't be of any help. I go through the incident again and again in my head.
I realize I had fallen asleep as someone taps on my shoulder. Bernard. He looks better than I expected, just a little bruised. When he notices how I examine him he lifts his shirt a bit, revealing some bandages.
"Are you all right?", I ask. I have to ask, because I caused this. I feel guilty. He chuckles and smiles a bit painfully.
"I'm fine, at least better than earlier. Thank you for helping me.".
"This is my fault... If I hadn't come in the palace today nothing would have happened...". I can feel that tears come into my eyes but I try to hold them back. He puts his hand on my shoulder.
"Hey, don't worry about it, it's not your fault. It's just been a rough and tiresome day for all of us. C'mon, I'll escort you to your house if I may". I nod. I feel as if I'll cry as soon as I say a word.
It's almost midnight as we find my parents. They decide to come with us, because the only driver who knows the way to our house is ours. I can't remember the way because I don't pay enough attention to the surroundings.
Bernard takes me to his carriage. After my parents take ours we leave the palace and head home. He tells me most fascinating things that he had found out about Ancient Greece, how Plato's theory of ideas intrigues him so much. I've read books about it, so many times that the teacher couldn't sell them after I was done with them. 'Too worn', he used to say.
I don't notice when the carriage stops moving. I never do. But I realize it when Bernard says:
"We're here". I feel a bit embarrassed. I should notice when we stop moving, at least. As Bernard helps me out of the carriage I hear a noise from the back of our carriage. I look there and notice the man, or the woman, whom I saw in the party. He looks tired. But I shouldn't pay attention to him. When Bernard notices him he looks a bit annoyed. I get a bad feeling as he asks the carriage drivers to 'teach him a lesson'. When we get to the door he kisses my hand.
"It was a pleasure to meet you, milady". He goes back to his carriage and as soon as the driver returns they go back towards the palace.

Chapter 8

16th of St.Augustus

Entry 12

I couldn't just sit here. I know I couldn't. I was too restless, too intrigued by that woman. It was almost midnight and really dark outside. But I didn't care. 
Brother said how "dangerous it is for a young lady to go out at night, especially alone."
"Do I look like a young lady to you?", I snapped at him, pointing at my clothes. I hadn't changed them, ignoring my brother's pleads. He made me wash my face, though, so I guess I looked more like a girl than before. He sighed.
"... Put on something more appropriate, at least", he said as he handed me one of his few fancy clothes. I know I can't change his mind anymore so I put it on. Thanks to my boyish build and non-existent breasts it fit me almost perfectly, except that the sleeves were a bit too long. Brother always used to complain about how tall I am compared to him.
He offered to walk me to the palace's gates but I refused. I wanted to sneak in again. The guards were a bit more attentive than earlier, probably because of the incident I caused. But I managed to sneak in again. I tried to glance through the room, looking for the woman who had caught my eye but I couldn't see her. I checked what time it was: five minutes past midnight. 'She must have gone home already', I thought, but still tried to look for her. After a while I asked about her from someone who looked important enough.
Finally, I found one of the King's boys, Alexander, from the balcony, flirting with some girl. I know him because we used to play together until his royal duties started when he was fifteen.
I grabbed his collar and pulled him farther away from the girl. When I told him who I am he looked   shocked.
"Joce,is that really you? Mm... Hair - check! Eyes - check! Super tall? Yup, it is you. No one else would dare to wear their hair this long with that suit. So tell me, mate, what's the problem?". I wanted to punch him in the face but I restrained myself from doing so.
"Have you seen a girl around here? Not just any girl but one with this really curly, red hair and eyes that look like they could pierce you.", I asked.
"Well... maybe. Give me something more to refresh my memory, hun." 
I really wanted to punch him in the face.
"She has a light blue dress and white roses in her hair?", I tried again.
"Still nothing".
"...She has breasts. Big ones. So stop playing around and please tell me where she is". I thought I'd die of shame.
"Oh, that girlie. Yup, I know where she is. She left just a minute ago, bro wanted to take her home. And her parents left too".
"You bastard! Why didn't you say so in the first place?!".
I actually punched him in the face. I didn't stay to check if he's okay but ran, out of the back door and to the gates. I saw two dark carriages leaving the palace. I grabbed on the second carriage and found a narrow ledge to stand on. At least I didn't have to run after it.
I don't know how long I stood there but when the carriage finally stopped my legs were like jelly. But I didn't give in to the exhaustion but managed to stay standing. I managed to check who got out of the first carriage - a man and a woman in their forties. And a boy, seven years old at most.  Then I saw as the second carriage's doors flew open and the King's first son, Bernard stepped out. He kept the door open as She got out with a seemingly tired expression on her face. I could also see the tiredness in the way she walked. She didn't walk gracefully, like earlier, but as if she hadn't slept in weeks. Then she turned her face towards me.
Her eyes were no longer icy. They were softer. Warmer. I could feel her taking over my head again. Bernard noticed me by watching where she was looking. He told the drivers to "give the boy a lesson, to learn not to stalk at young ladies." 
They grabbed me from my shoulders and took me farther away. They punched me a couple of times, to my face and stomach, and threw me in the mud. One of them kicked me before they returned to the carriages. I was exhausted and hurting all over. The clothes my brother borrowed to me were dirty with mud and blood. I passed out in the mud. I didn't care anymore. I just wanted to sleep.

Chapter 7

16th of the month of saint Augustus, year 137

Mother,

are you well? I heard about the cold, I hope you are feeling better. I had a great day yesterday. I visited the royal palace to celebrate King Leo's 52nd birthday. Sure, the wine was good, but it wasn't the best thing about the day. I met a woman. Not just any woman, you wouldn't find her in a bar. She was pretty but it was her charm that made me interested. Red hair like hers is so rare it can't go unnoticed and the ice blue eyes aren't common either. They're vibrant yet pale, like pearls. I have met her before, I just know it.

I am truly glad you're there for me. I don't know how I could make it without you.

With love, 

Cain

Chapter 6

The noblemen's boys haven't given up on me yet. They should. I have nothing to offer to them. I try to tell them to leave me alone but I can't get the words out. I can't speak. I feel so anxious I can barely breathe. I fall halfway down on my knees,  trying to keep myself conscious.
"Gentlemen, please let the lady be. There are easier girls around here", I hear from behind them. They grow visibly pale and run away. A man, around forty years of age and overwhelmingly charming, steps closer to where the boys had been. He takes off his silky glove and gives me his hand to help me up. I can't help but stare into his eyes. They're deep but cold, somehow. The color seems to be a mix of grey and green, I've never seen eyes like that before.
"Are you alright, milady?", he asks and bows down to me. I'd like to say I am but I'm not. He helps me to the nearest free seat and grabs  me a glass of water. I start feeling better again. I can breathe again.
"Thank you... and sorry. I'm sorry for making you do so much for me." I say. I almost break into tears but hold it back, somehow.
"Milady, you're not the one to apologize. It's all right. I think I'll teach those kids a lesson later. Just please sit here until you calm down a bit". For some reason he seems to be truly worried about me.
"But right now I've got some errands to take care of, may I ask for a chance to dance with you later tonight?". He kisses my hand and leaves. Only now I notice my mother, around ten feet away from me. She looks surprised, almost shocked, staring alternately at me and the man who brought me water. When he's out of sight she comes to me, almost running.
"If I had known this would happen I would've taken you here a lot sooner! How did you do that? You don't know how happy I am for you!". I have a feeling that she lost her mind. I back away from her a little. She grabs my shoulders.
"Don't you know who that man was? He's Lord Cain McCleary, the owner of the biggest ship company in the whole world. You really haven't heard of him?".
I shake my head. I've never heard the name before. Or if I have, I can't remember it. I was never interested in politics, economy or shipping industry. I can hear mother, talking to father.
"... And King Leopold hasn't even showed up yet! This is our chance to make some real connections, don't you think, love?". Father stays quiet. I have noticed that he never says a thing, at least when I'm around.
"Miss Elena Müller, I presume?", I hear from behind me. It's a short, harmless-looking man with a simple suit and a walking stick.
"That's me, yes", I answer. I can tell he sees the way I look at him.
"I'm sorry to intrude but are you interested in philosophy?". As I hear him ask the question I can feel excitement growing inside me. I know I could talk about philosophy for hours upon hours. I start talking without thinking, asking his opinion about certain subjects. After a while he asks me to stop and catch my breath. I apologize for getting too excited.
"I-it's all right, milady, I was just surprised. But I'll let you back to whatever you were doing. Sorry for taking your time." That was an unusual conversation, I have to admit. There must be some ulterior motive to it. For some reason I have a feeling that the night isn't over yet.

Chapter 5