Chapter 3

16th of St.Augustus

Entry 11

I snuck in the King's birthday party today. There were oddly few guards so I had easy time getting in. I earned a lot. I mean, A LOT. Everyone left their coats and pouches unattended . What idiots! I stole it all. And I regret nothing. 'Stealers, keepers' they say. Ha! If they only knew how right they are... And top it off, when I was going around the great hall, no one cared. Even though I looked like a street rat no one cared. Not that I'm complaining, I was able to pick many pockets while walking around. But in the end, I still failed.

A beautiful lady caught my eye there. Dark red hair that could probably be seen miles away and pale blue eyes, staring right into my soul as if she knew what I was doing. That voluptuous body of hers attracted a crowd of lusting men around her, so she could easily have said something about me. But she didn't. Instead, she just stared at me. And she looked very uncomfortable there. I could barely resist the urge to steal her away.

She occupied my mind, started building her home there. I couldn't fully concentrate on what I was doing. People started noticing how empty their pockets were. And when I was caught trying to steal some rich bastard's money bag I knew I was screwed. Two hours I spent in the prison. Two hours until my brother came to pay the bail. He was furious. "What were you thinking?! If Jack hadn't been working today and contacted me you would still be sitting there, rotting in jail! I don't have the time and money to bail you out every time you screw up like this! For Aknia's sake!"he kept shouting at me. But I wasn't listening. I was preoccupied with the woman in my mind.

"Anyway, you should get a job. I'm not going to pay for your living forever." Those words got stuck to my mind because he sounded different. He wasn't shouting anymore.
"I have to go back to work and explain my absence to Lord McCleary. I hope he doesn't fire me. Adios, sister."

Chapter 2

 15th of the month of saint Augustus, year 137

Mother,

I hope this letter finds you in good health. I know it has been too long ago since I last wrote. I am sorry, once more. It is not easy making a living in this shit hole of vice. All those beggars and whores, leeching on this cesspit like maggots on a rotting corpse. And the "elite", those wealthy pigs, are even worse. In their mighty castles and towers and mansions they are too high to wade in this filth like we have to. The sick fumes of rot and misery don't reach them through all that gold and perfume. I'm up to neck with all that fucking sanctimonious hypocrisy. So weary... so angry, every damn day in and out. There is no place for Aknia's love or grace here. I pray. I really try, but I no longer feel it. There is just the anger. It's fire in me. Burning. Keeping me warm. Compelling. Bringing light.

Purging this den of sin of all the sick puss.

Those unworthy swine have no idea. They are so full of it, so full of themselves they don't see, but tonight, yes, tonight the time of reckoning is at hand. The false idols will fall, the pigs will squeal. There will be such noise and they'll run around in panic, and then... peace. Yes, such beautiful peace. A new beginning from a clean slate, a chance to make it right this time.

Something may go wrong and if so I apologize. Again. I don't mean to cause you worry or sorrow, dear mother, for I love you. I would pray, but I am tainted too now, I shine no more as I've walked too long in the dark. I am Aknia's tool now, but no longer in His grace. But I must do this, and ask that you pray for me. I am thankful that you are back home, safe, not here... but I must do this. Someone must take these wrongdoers on the knee and spank them like a good loving father corrects a child. And there is none but me to do it.

Speaking of fathers, how is he? I heard he fell ill. But I know he will be all right, since you're the one taking care of him and he's in your prayers. And how are Anna, Thomas, John? Little Beth? I wish I could see them again. It's been so long... and now it may be I will never will.

I can't take this alone, mother. It's too much. I need you. Pray for me, think of me with love, for there is neither love nor prayers here. I miss you, and look forward to seeing you again, in this world or the next.

With all my love, 

always yours

Cain

Chapter 1

My mother wakes me up early today. 'It's the King's birthday and we need you to represent us' she says. 'He is an old man now and needs a strong queen by his side. There's a chance he'll choose you if you put up your best behavior and smile. Everything will be fine.' I nod as I get out of my bed. It's so soft and comfortable I wish I could have slept late. But I obey my mother and sit in front of the small table near my bed. There are many porcelain boxes on it, different shapes and sizes. I pick my favorite hair brush from one box and start brushing my hair.

 I've never liked the dark, pale red color of  my hair. It reminds me too much of the day four years ago. Even the thought of it makes me shudder. I try to brush through it as fast as I can but the tangled curls just keep appearing, one after another. I want to pull it out, even bald is better than this. I brush more and more furiously, like in a dream. I come to my senses as my mother grabs my arm. 'What are you doing? Stop that, Elena!' I stop brushing and look at her. Her eyes look dark. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. She takes the hair brush from my hand and starts brushing my hair firmly yet gently. I envy her. She is beautiful and wise. Unlike me.

I awaken from these thoughts as my little brother, Arthur, swings my door open and speeds on my bed. 'Sister, the carriage's here! We get to ride a carriage!' he shouts excitedly. Mother ceases brushing my hair and rushes my brother back out of my room. Somehow I'm glad he appeared, even for a while. I focus my attention to the dress I'm supposed to wear today.It's made of  flowery blue silk with the most beautiful lace I've ever seen. The puffiness of its sleeves and hem look comfortable but I wonder if I can make my waist thin enough for it.

After my mother's done brushing my hair she begins braiding the hair on the sides of my head and rolls the braids into a bun. She then turns the rest of my hair into tight curls with hot rolls of metal and wood. When the curls were ready she adorned the coiffure with a white bow. 'Look, honey, how beautiful you are. I'm sure you'll make us proud.' I hope so too. I have to stand up and hold my breath as my mother tightens the corset. She complains about how difficult it is to tighten the laces by herself. I listen to her, quietly but nodding my head a little to show I'm listening to her, because she likes the quiet. I once heard that she even hates birdsong.
When she can't tighten the corset anymore, she ties the laces into a knot and catches her breath. I can't breathe well but I can bear it so I hide my discomfort. Mother takes the dress off the hanger and helps me to put it on. It barely fits but I'm glad it does. As I look in the mirror on the table notice how enormous my chest looks. I'm about to complain about it when Arthur comes to the door again. 'Papa wants you to be ready in five minutes. Hurry, sister, or they'll leave you here!' he shouts again and runs away before mother gets to say anything. She grunts quietly as she puts a couple of silk flowers in my hair. She asks me to tell father we're ready as she scurries in her personal dressing room. I tiptoe to my father and apologize for taking so long. He glances at me with his ever so serious expression. I think I see a tear in the corner of his eye, though.

When mother arrives she's carrying a small box in her hands. As she sees the way I look at it, curiously and yearning to know what's in it, she says 'it's a secret.' After we step into the carriage I can't help but wonder what the box contains. A jewel? A letter? All the possibilities flood my mind as I look out the window at the passing scenery. Ordinary people with ordinary jobs. People with freedom. Suddenly I realize where I'm going and do my best to keep calm.