Chapter 8

16th of St.Augustus

Entry 12

I couldn't just sit here. I know I couldn't. I was too restless, too intrigued by that woman. It was almost midnight and really dark outside. But I didn't care. 
Brother said how "dangerous it is for a young lady to go out at night, especially alone."
"Do I look like a young lady to you?", I snapped at him, pointing at my clothes. I hadn't changed them, ignoring my brother's pleads. He made me wash my face, though, so I guess I looked more like a girl than before. He sighed.
"... Put on something more appropriate, at least", he said as he handed me one of his few fancy clothes. I know I can't change his mind anymore so I put it on. Thanks to my boyish build and non-existent breasts it fit me almost perfectly, except that the sleeves were a bit too long. Brother always used to complain about how tall I am compared to him.
He offered to walk me to the palace's gates but I refused. I wanted to sneak in again. The guards were a bit more attentive than earlier, probably because of the incident I caused. But I managed to sneak in again. I tried to glance through the room, looking for the woman who had caught my eye but I couldn't see her. I checked what time it was: five minutes past midnight. 'She must have gone home already', I thought, but still tried to look for her. After a while I asked about her from someone who looked important enough.
Finally, I found one of the King's boys, Alexander, from the balcony, flirting with some girl. I know him because we used to play together until his royal duties started when he was fifteen.
I grabbed his collar and pulled him farther away from the girl. When I told him who I am he looked   shocked.
"Joce,is that really you? Mm... Hair - check! Eyes - check! Super tall? Yup, it is you. No one else would dare to wear their hair this long with that suit. So tell me, mate, what's the problem?". I wanted to punch him in the face but I restrained myself from doing so.
"Have you seen a girl around here? Not just any girl but one with this really curly, red hair and eyes that look like they could pierce you.", I asked.
"Well... maybe. Give me something more to refresh my memory, hun." 
I really wanted to punch him in the face.
"She has a light blue dress and white roses in her hair?", I tried again.
"Still nothing".
"...She has breasts. Big ones. So stop playing around and please tell me where she is". I thought I'd die of shame.
"Oh, that girlie. Yup, I know where she is. She left just a minute ago, bro wanted to take her home. And her parents left too".
"You bastard! Why didn't you say so in the first place?!".
I actually punched him in the face. I didn't stay to check if he's okay but ran, out of the back door and to the gates. I saw two dark carriages leaving the palace. I grabbed on the second carriage and found a narrow ledge to stand on. At least I didn't have to run after it.
I don't know how long I stood there but when the carriage finally stopped my legs were like jelly. But I didn't give in to the exhaustion but managed to stay standing. I managed to check who got out of the first carriage - a man and a woman in their forties. And a boy, seven years old at most.  Then I saw as the second carriage's doors flew open and the King's first son, Bernard stepped out. He kept the door open as She got out with a seemingly tired expression on her face. I could also see the tiredness in the way she walked. She didn't walk gracefully, like earlier, but as if she hadn't slept in weeks. Then she turned her face towards me.
Her eyes were no longer icy. They were softer. Warmer. I could feel her taking over my head again. Bernard noticed me by watching where she was looking. He told the drivers to "give the boy a lesson, to learn not to stalk at young ladies." 
They grabbed me from my shoulders and took me farther away. They punched me a couple of times, to my face and stomach, and threw me in the mud. One of them kicked me before they returned to the carriages. I was exhausted and hurting all over. The clothes my brother borrowed to me were dirty with mud and blood. I passed out in the mud. I didn't care anymore. I just wanted to sleep.

Chapter 7

16th of the month of saint Augustus, year 137

Mother,

are you well? I heard about the cold, I hope you are feeling better. I had a great day yesterday. I visited the royal palace to celebrate King Leo's 52nd birthday. Sure, the wine was good, but it wasn't the best thing about the day. I met a woman. Not just any woman, you wouldn't find her in a bar. She was pretty but it was her charm that made me interested. Red hair like hers is so rare it can't go unnoticed and the ice blue eyes aren't common either. They're vibrant yet pale, like pearls. I have met her before, I just know it.

I am truly glad you're there for me. I don't know how I could make it without you.

With love, 

Cain

Chapter 6

The noblemen's boys haven't given up on me yet. They should. I have nothing to offer to them. I try to tell them to leave me alone but I can't get the words out. I can't speak. I feel so anxious I can barely breathe. I fall halfway down on my knees,  trying to keep myself conscious.
"Gentlemen, please let the lady be. There are easier girls around here", I hear from behind them. They grow visibly pale and run away. A man, around forty years of age and overwhelmingly charming, steps closer to where the boys had been. He takes off his silky glove and gives me his hand to help me up. I can't help but stare into his eyes. They're deep but cold, somehow. The color seems to be a mix of grey and green, I've never seen eyes like that before.
"Are you alright, milady?", he asks and bows down to me. I'd like to say I am but I'm not. He helps me to the nearest free seat and grabs  me a glass of water. I start feeling better again. I can breathe again.
"Thank you... and sorry. I'm sorry for making you do so much for me." I say. I almost break into tears but hold it back, somehow.
"Milady, you're not the one to apologize. It's all right. I think I'll teach those kids a lesson later. Just please sit here until you calm down a bit". For some reason he seems to be truly worried about me.
"But right now I've got some errands to take care of, may I ask for a chance to dance with you later tonight?". He kisses my hand and leaves. Only now I notice my mother, around ten feet away from me. She looks surprised, almost shocked, staring alternately at me and the man who brought me water. When he's out of sight she comes to me, almost running.
"If I had known this would happen I would've taken you here a lot sooner! How did you do that? You don't know how happy I am for you!". I have a feeling that she lost her mind. I back away from her a little. She grabs my shoulders.
"Don't you know who that man was? He's Lord Cain McCleary, the owner of the biggest ship company in the whole world. You really haven't heard of him?".
I shake my head. I've never heard the name before. Or if I have, I can't remember it. I was never interested in politics, economy or shipping industry. I can hear mother, talking to father.
"... And King Leopold hasn't even showed up yet! This is our chance to make some real connections, don't you think, love?". Father stays quiet. I have noticed that he never says a thing, at least when I'm around.
"Miss Elena Müller, I presume?", I hear from behind me. It's a short, harmless-looking man with a simple suit and a walking stick.
"That's me, yes", I answer. I can tell he sees the way I look at him.
"I'm sorry to intrude but are you interested in philosophy?". As I hear him ask the question I can feel excitement growing inside me. I know I could talk about philosophy for hours upon hours. I start talking without thinking, asking his opinion about certain subjects. After a while he asks me to stop and catch my breath. I apologize for getting too excited.
"I-it's all right, milady, I was just surprised. But I'll let you back to whatever you were doing. Sorry for taking your time." That was an unusual conversation, I have to admit. There must be some ulterior motive to it. For some reason I have a feeling that the night isn't over yet.

Chapter 5

Chapter 4

As our carriage slides through the front gates I can't help but feel amazed. The royal palace looks even bigger up close than farther away. There are hundreds of roses all around the yard and in the middle of it there's the memorial fountain for Queen Amélie, the King's first wife. The fountain's three times my height and made of the finest white marble. The only blue roses around grow around it. Rumor has it that the queen loved blue roses so much that after she died the king gathered all the blue rose bushes and planted them around the fountain once it was ready. Nobody knows whether that's true or not but Mrs Margaret, our laundress, claims it's true.

When we step through the beautifully carved wooden front door a servant asks us to give our coats, bags and hats in their care. I give him my handbag, even though I feel less safe without it. Once we're ready we step into the ballroom. It's so full of people it makes me anxious. As soon as I find a comfortable seat close to a wall someone asks me to dance. It's a fairly tall, well-fed man with a well groomed beard and a pair of warm brown, wise eyes behind expensive smart people's glasses. I glance timidly at my mother who says 'it's okay' and I accept the invite. The musicians start playing a waltz as we step on the dance floor. He starts dancing a dull, lazy version of waltz and I follow, trying to keep up with the slow pace. It sounds like the music's slowing down too.

Once I catch up he starts telling me about his research with ancient cultures. When I was still studying I took particular interest in the subject and the teacher bought me about half a dozen other books about it. It's not the only subject I found interesting, though, so by the end of the year I got around fifty new books about my matters of interest, including philosophy, psychology, history in general, and literature. I can only imagine how much money and effort all this needed. Some time later I politely asked my father to give my teacher a raise. To my surprise he actually did.

As my dancing partner notices my interest in the subject his eyes widen. He starts talking more deeply about it and lets me talk and comment too, as if I was a colleague of his, not some little girl sent here to seduce the king. At some point we stopped dancing but I didn't realize when. My anxiety is long gone.

I don't know how long we chatted. It could've been minutes, it could've been hours. All of a sudden, someone pulls me back from the shoulder, as if I was in some kind of a fantasy world. They grab my hand and waist to stop my fall. It's an other man, seemingly a couple of years older than I am, hair a bit messy and eyes burning like blue flames.
"Dear bro, you shouldn't keep all the fun to yourself!", he sounds enthusiastic, maybe a bit cynical.
"My apologies, bro, but the lady and I are having a mature, intelligent conversation here, so why don't you go back to play with your rattle and let her be?". He seems calm, a bit annoyed. The man who still holds my hand gets really angry and starts shouting all kinds of insults, letting my hand and waist go. I withdraw to the nearest seat close to a wall.

"Well, that went better than expected", mother says as she and father come back from dancing.
"What do you mean, mother?", I ask, and immediately regret it. She gets an irritated look in her eyes.
"Oh, you didn't know? The man you were dancing with, he's the elder of King Leopold's sons, Bernard. And the one who distracted you two is the younger son, Alexander. Odd fellows I heard, but royalty". I nod, both as a thanks and an apology. She smiles and goes to chat with other people, taking father with her. As soon as they leave a couple of noblemen's sons come around me. My anxiety grows but I can't find a way to escape. I look around for a place to hide as someone catches my eye. It's a man - or a woman, I'm not sure - with a dirty face and rags that definitely put him apart from the rest. His strong, green eyes and long blond hair conflict with the ragged look he has. I follow his every move so intensively I can't hear what other people say anymore. I can see him picking people's pockets, robbing them clean. His pockets look so full... I could call the guards on him but I'm too busy observing him. I can see that he notices that I look at him. He looks stunned, somehow. Then he's caught, trying to steal some old man's pocket watch and the guards drag him away. What a shame.