15th of the month of saint Augustus, year 137
Mother,
I hope this letter finds you in good health. I know it has been too long ago since I last wrote. I am sorry, once more. It is not easy making a living in this shit hole of vice. All those beggars and whores, leeching on this cesspit like maggots on a rotting corpse. And the "elite", those wealthy pigs, are even worse. In their mighty castles and towers and mansions they are too high to wade in this filth like we have to. The sick fumes of rot and misery don't reach them through all that gold and perfume. I'm up to neck with all that fucking sanctimonious hypocrisy. So weary... so angry, every damn day in and out. There is no place for Aknia's love or grace here. I pray. I really try, but I no longer feel it. There is just the anger. It's fire in me. Burning. Keeping me warm. Compelling. Bringing light.
Purging this den of sin of all the sick puss.
Those unworthy swine have no idea. They are so full of it, so full of themselves they don't see, but tonight, yes, tonight the time of reckoning is at hand. The false idols will fall, the pigs will squeal. There will be such noise and they'll run around in panic, and then... peace. Yes, such beautiful peace. A new beginning from a clean slate, a chance to make it right this time.
Something may go wrong and if so I apologize. Again. I don't mean to cause you worry or sorrow, dear mother, for I love you. I would pray, but I am tainted too now, I shine no more as I've walked too long in the dark. I am Aknia's tool now, but no longer in His grace. But I must do this, and ask that you pray for me. I am thankful that you are back home, safe, not here... but I must do this. Someone must take these wrongdoers on the knee and spank them like a good loving father corrects a child. And there is none but me to do it.
Speaking of fathers, how is he? I heard he fell ill. But I know he will be all right, since you're the one taking care of him and he's in your prayers. And how are Anna, Thomas, John? Little Beth? I wish I could see them again. It's been so long... and now it may be I will never will.
I can't take this alone, mother. It's too much. I need you. Pray for me, think of me with love, for there is neither love nor prayers here. I miss you, and look forward to seeing you again, in this world or the next.
With all my love,
always yours
Cain
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