Chapter 8

16th of St.Augustus

Entry 12

I couldn't just sit here. I know I couldn't. I was too restless, too intrigued by that woman. It was almost midnight and really dark outside. But I didn't care. 
Brother said how "dangerous it is for a young lady to go out at night, especially alone."
"Do I look like a young lady to you?", I snapped at him, pointing at my clothes. I hadn't changed them, ignoring my brother's pleads. He made me wash my face, though, so I guess I looked more like a girl than before. He sighed.
"... Put on something more appropriate, at least", he said as he handed me one of his few fancy clothes. I know I can't change his mind anymore so I put it on. Thanks to my boyish build and non-existent breasts it fit me almost perfectly, except that the sleeves were a bit too long. Brother always used to complain about how tall I am compared to him.
He offered to walk me to the palace's gates but I refused. I wanted to sneak in again. The guards were a bit more attentive than earlier, probably because of the incident I caused. But I managed to sneak in again. I tried to glance through the room, looking for the woman who had caught my eye but I couldn't see her. I checked what time it was: five minutes past midnight. 'She must have gone home already', I thought, but still tried to look for her. After a while I asked about her from someone who looked important enough.
Finally, I found one of the King's boys, Alexander, from the balcony, flirting with some girl. I know him because we used to play together until his royal duties started when he was fifteen.
I grabbed his collar and pulled him farther away from the girl. When I told him who I am he looked   shocked.
"Joce,is that really you? Mm... Hair - check! Eyes - check! Super tall? Yup, it is you. No one else would dare to wear their hair this long with that suit. So tell me, mate, what's the problem?". I wanted to punch him in the face but I restrained myself from doing so.
"Have you seen a girl around here? Not just any girl but one with this really curly, red hair and eyes that look like they could pierce you.", I asked.
"Well... maybe. Give me something more to refresh my memory, hun." 
I really wanted to punch him in the face.
"She has a light blue dress and white roses in her hair?", I tried again.
"Still nothing".
"...She has breasts. Big ones. So stop playing around and please tell me where she is". I thought I'd die of shame.
"Oh, that girlie. Yup, I know where she is. She left just a minute ago, bro wanted to take her home. And her parents left too".
"You bastard! Why didn't you say so in the first place?!".
I actually punched him in the face. I didn't stay to check if he's okay but ran, out of the back door and to the gates. I saw two dark carriages leaving the palace. I grabbed on the second carriage and found a narrow ledge to stand on. At least I didn't have to run after it.
I don't know how long I stood there but when the carriage finally stopped my legs were like jelly. But I didn't give in to the exhaustion but managed to stay standing. I managed to check who got out of the first carriage - a man and a woman in their forties. And a boy, seven years old at most.  Then I saw as the second carriage's doors flew open and the King's first son, Bernard stepped out. He kept the door open as She got out with a seemingly tired expression on her face. I could also see the tiredness in the way she walked. She didn't walk gracefully, like earlier, but as if she hadn't slept in weeks. Then she turned her face towards me.
Her eyes were no longer icy. They were softer. Warmer. I could feel her taking over my head again. Bernard noticed me by watching where she was looking. He told the drivers to "give the boy a lesson, to learn not to stalk at young ladies." 
They grabbed me from my shoulders and took me farther away. They punched me a couple of times, to my face and stomach, and threw me in the mud. One of them kicked me before they returned to the carriages. I was exhausted and hurting all over. The clothes my brother borrowed to me were dirty with mud and blood. I passed out in the mud. I didn't care anymore. I just wanted to sleep.